A Harry Potter Christmas
by Glossy
Summary: Okay, this is just a really stupid humor fic. It's about Harry, Ron, and Hermione and they rent a cabin in the mountains in America...what will happen? One word: complete chaos. **NO FLAMES!**
1. Default Chapter

A Harry Potter Christmas  
  
By: Glossy  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, you guys and gals all know that. Now, these humor fic's are not to be taken seriously, no flaming please. I, for one, think this is the stupidest thing I ever wrote for Harry Potter so be thankful I don't do much of it. Again, I'm not making money off this and I do not own Harry Potter (duh), and again NO FLAMING. It's as simple as that, if you hate stupid humor fic's don't read it, if you do, read it.  
Simple eh?  
I also got some idea's from my buddy Candy *Big thanks to her!* ^_^  
*Harry sits in a big arm chair sipping hot chocolate*  
Hermione: America sure is nice! Glad we came up here on Christmas break! (looks out the window at all the snow)  
Harry: Yeah  
(Ron comes in through the door)  
Ron: Hey guys, guess what? The ponds frozen so we can go ice skating  
Hermione: Oh good *goes to put on her skates*  
*Harry already has his on*  
Ron: Harry! (looks mortified)  
*Harry looks up*  
Ron: How could you already have your skates on?  
Harry: I just wore them all day  
Ron: Oooohhh that makes perfect sense....wink wink  
*Hermione comes back ready to skate*  
Harry: Ron aren't you gonna put your skates on?   
Ron: No, I don't need them, I'm a born seagull  
Hermione: Knowing how to fly has nothing to do with skating stupid!  
Ron: Oh sure it does  
(On the pond)  
WARNING: THIN ICE  
Hermione: I guess we can't skate  
Harry: Yeah too bad  
Ron: Oh come on guys, use your imagination! Just pretend there's no sign  
Harry: I still see a sign  
Hermione: Maybe if we squint our eyes a little it will disappear  
Ron: No! Just pretend it's not there  
Harry: I still see it  
Ron: Ugh!  
Hermione: Ron, your not skating, end of story  
Ron: Fine, fine...  
*Ron runs off*  
Harry: So, whatta ya wanna do now?  
Hermione: Get some coffee  
Harry: All right sounds cool, they still serving Expresso?  
Hermione: No, people complained it was to gross and thick like mud  
Harry: Damn  
**Ron is in the forest**  
Ron: I know I can fly like a seagull (talking to a squirrel) But I don't think my friends really believe me  
(Squirrel nods)  
Ron: You believe me right?  
(Squirrel nods)  
Ron: Yeah, I always knew I could count on you  
(Squirrel nods)  
*Voldemort comes out of nowhere*  
Voldemort: Ron, I am your father  
Ron: Really!? Voldemort: No  
Ron: But you just said you were!  
Voldemort: I lied, I just said that for kicks  
Ron: Well, who's father are you really?  
Voldemort: That squirrels  
*Ron looks at the Squirrel in bewilderment*  
Ron: You trader!  
(Squirrel nods)  
Voldemort: Did I miss something?  
Ron: After I spilled all my secrets to you!  
Voldemort: You spilled your secrets to a Squirrel?  
Ron: Yeah,...is that bad? Voldemort: That's sad  
*Squirrel jumps on Voldemort's shoulder*  
Voldemort: We have things to do, we will return to kill Potter  
(Voldemort *and the Squirrel both disappear)  
***At Starbucks***  
Harry: I hate this cappuccino! What a crudy day I'm having, and on Christmas too!  
Hermione: Harry you can't let coffee ruin your Christmas  
Harry: I guess you're right, but I still think they need to get expresso back  
*Hermione goes on about something as Harry desperately tries to scoop off the foam but it keeps falling back in his coffee  
Hermione: You listening? Harry: Yeah, of course  
Hermione: What did I say then?  
Harry: Uh...I don't know  
Hermione: Ugh, you know sometimes your just so stupi-  
***Ron barges in StarBucks***  
Ron: Guys!  
Hermione: Excuse me?  
Ron: Oh yeah right...  
***Ron walks back outside and barges through again, everyone is staring at him* ***  
Ron: Guys and girl!  
(Hermione nods in approval not liking to be referred to as a guy)  
Harry: What's new? Whatever it is it can't be as bad as this cappuccino  
Ron: No way dude *sits in a chair* they got rid of expresso?  
Harry: Yeah I know, it's like awful *looks as if about to cry*  
Hermione: Oh come off it you two! Ron, did you have something important to tell us, by the um...well, because you barged in here...  
Ron: Oh yeah, almost forgot, I got the memory expansion of a rodent you know  
(Hermione and Harry exchange looks)  
Ron: So what I was going to tell you was all of Jessica Simpsons new CD's are sold out  
Hermione: You know of CD's?  
Ron: I've gotten around...  
Harry: That's awful *sniff* (he looked as if about to cry remember? now he has two things to cry about)  
*Voldemort breaks through the roof and a bunch of girls scream*  
(Ron screams because the Squirrel is *back!*)  
Ron: Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you....Voldemort said in the forest he was gonna come back to kill Harry, damn....I knew I forgot something  
(Hermione slaps Ron in the face with a news paper)  
Voldemort: That's right kiddies I'm back! (laughs like a woman)  
(Squirrel starts laughing)  
*Ron covers his ears looking horrified of the Squirrels laugh*  
Ron: Oh Squirrel how could have you forsaken me!?  
(Ron looks pathetic because the news print printed off on his face)  
*Harry makes a rather strange noise, combination of trying not to laugh and crying*  
Voldemort: How come you guys ain't scared of me? Hermione: We already know what's gonna happen (files nails). You attack-Harry gets hurt-there's a battle-Harry eventually wins and everyone's happy  
Voldemort: That is not GOING TO HAPPEN this time!  
Hermione: Is that a guarantee?   
Voldemort:................  
Hermione: See (sticks her tongue out at him)  
Harry: This is SO hopeless!*trying to scoop foam off his cappuccino but it keeps falling* *Harry slams his head on the table and cries hysterically*  
Hermione:....................!!! (slaps her forehead)  
*in the background Ron is dancing to the new Jessica Simpson CD because the squirrel turned it on*  
*the door to Starbucks busts open*  
*Glossy comes in wearing a orange tank top with a leather jacket with fuzzies on it and dark blue jeans with low platform gym shoes, which are black*  
Glossy: Oh my God! It's Harry Potter! *runs and hugs him*  
Harry: I'm scared. Help me.  
Hermione: Who are you?  
Glossy: Why, I'm a writer on fanfiction.net and I write stories about all of you  
Ron: What are you trying to say, that I'm mentally challenged?!   
Glossy: What!?!?  
Harry:Uh....  
Voldemort: Stop this madness! I was in the middle of something very important and you just-  
*Glossy glares at him*  
Glossy: I can put you in a cage  
Voldemort: No you can't, your just an author *laughs*  
Glossy: Watch me. It's something we authors can do so don't mess with us  
*snaps fingers and Voldemort is now it a cage*  
*Voldemort shakes the cage maniacally and does monkey noises*  
Ron: *cries* I don't want to be part of the dream team anymore! It's scary!  
Hermione: Get a hold of yourself *shakes Ron*  
*Glossy snaps her fingers and Voldemort gets let out*  
Glossy: *sigh* If looks could kill...*looks at Voldemort*  
*Voldemort is drinking a coffee and chokes and dies*  
*Harry laughs like a lunatic*  
Hermione and Ron: Oh my God looks can kill!  
(Pause)  
Hermione and Ron: Jinx!  
(there both silent)  
Glossy: What the shit!? *looks at Voldemort* *shrugs* oh well, didn't expect that to happen  
*A game show guy comes out of no where*  
Game show guy: Hello everyone! It's time to play SURVIVOR!  
All:..........!?  
Harry: How can we play survivor?  
Game show guy: You guys rented a cabin out here right?  
Harry: Right  
Game show guy: You, Glossy, Ron, Hermione and a special added bonus guest will be playing survivor in the cabin with you. The rules are you can't leave the cabin for anything! Who ever can live the longest without going crazy first wins! Glossy, will you do the honors?  
Glossy: *sigh* yes, but what if we run out of food?  
Game show guy: Who cares!  
Harry: She's right, I mean we didn't really stock up...  
*Glossy snaps fingers and there all at the cabin*  
*Draco Malfoy comes in! (the special guest) yeah, right...the other kinda of special (special ed)*  
Glossy: Oh, gawd!  
Harry: Ugh!  
Hermione: (silence)  
Ron: (silence)  
Harry: What's so special about you?  
Draco: I can tell the difference between butter and I can't believe it's not butter  
*Glossy gives him a weird look*  
(Harry sits in a chair and turns on the TV)  
(The chair breaks)  
Harry: Shit, I spent all summer making this *starts crying*  
Draco: W-E-I-R-D-O damn weirdo, who spends all their time making a chair *Draco picks up the broken chair and throws it in the fire place)  
Harry: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
Glossy: Hermione-Hermione-Hermione. Ron-Ron-Ron  
*Hermione and Ron both start talking*  
Draco: What did you do?  
Glossy: Un-jinxed them dumb ass  
Draco: Oh. Say, I'm free this weekend if you wanna... *sits on the couch next to Glossy*  
Glossy: Back off blondie or I'll shove an apple in your mouth. And where the hell would we go Draco if I did go out with you? the cellar? We're playing survivor in our own cabin if you haven't noticed, we can't even go in the backyard  
*Draco is silent*  
Harry: Ha ha ha ha ha (laughs at Draco) *Harry chokes on his own spit*  
Draco: Well,...  
*Glossy shoves an apple in his mouth*  
Ron: FOOD FIGHT!  
*Ron throws a can of chicken soup at Hermione's head*  
Hermione: OW! open the can first stupid!  
*Glossy throws an orange at Draco*  
Draco: What's with all the fruit Glossy? Ah, your paying attention to me...you want me  
Glossy: *SCREAMS!* (As Draco chases her around the house)  
*Harry dumps a bunch of cereal on Ron as Hermione pours milk on him*  
*Glossy is now throwing plastic fruit at Draco*  
Hermione: What chaos!  
*Glossy jumps on the fridge and Draco jumps up after her (the fridge can't hold both of them and it falls over)*  
*Ron throws a box of ice cream at Draco's head and he passes out*  
Glossy: Thank God  
*Hermione runs upstairs covering her head with her hands*  
(eventually the food fight between Ron, Harry, and Glossy settles and they just go and watch TV)  
(The house is still a huge mess)  
Ron: Pass the popcorn  
*Glossy throws a piece at Ron but Harry jumps and eats it*  
Harry: Mmmm yum! Carmel  
Glossy: What!? carmel!? I hate carmel popcorn! *throws the bowl on the floor*  
Harry: What kind did you think it was?  
Glossy: Butter  
Harry: Are you feeling okay?  
Glossy: Fine and dandy....*nurses her wounds from falling off the fridge*  
Ron: Butter!? Carmel!? I thought it was cheese popcorn! *Harry and Glossy exchange glances*  
Harry: Ron, what color is this? *Harry holds up a piece of popcorn*  
Ron: Brownish  
Harry: Then how could it be the cheese kind?  
Ron: I dunno! How could it be butter?  
*Harry and Ron both look at Glossy*  
Glossy: Hey, I fell off the fridge  
*They all go back to watching Dawson's Creek*  
*Hermione comes down*  
Hermione: Is it safe?  
Ron: Yeah, yeah (hypnotized by the TV)  
*Hermione runs down the stairs*  
Hermione: Oooo popcorn! Eeeww carmel! Harry: *sigh* Am I the only one that likes carmel?  
*Everyone nods*  
Hermione: I wanted plain  
Ron and Glossy: Eeeeewww!  
Ron: Plain sucks and you know it!  
Hermione: It does not!  
Ron: Does to!  
Harry: Shut the bloody hell up!  
Glossy: Ugh...what else is on...(flips channel and Barney comes on)  
All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Hermione: Change the channel! Change the channel! *shakes Glossy*  
Harry: Stop shaking people Hermione!  
Glossy: I can't! The batteries are dead!  
Ron: Well, let's go get some more batteries from the cellar! Harry: There's no time for that fool!  
*Ron throws a hammer to Glossy*  
*Glossy takes a run and busts the TV with the hammer and glass goes everywhere*  
Hermione: I don't think that was necessary  
*Draco comes in*  
Draco: What the hell is going on? (rubs head)  
*Chaos starts again*  
*Harry busts a chair on Draco's back*  
Draco: Damn it! I'm crippled enough jack ass!  
Glossy: STOP IT!!!!!!!  
*Hermione punches Glossy*  
Glossy: Ow! what was that for? Hermione: I'm in charge here. You can't tell them what to do!  
*Game Show Guy busts in*  
*Everyone freezes and stops what their doing*  
Game Show Guy: Alright, no ones dumb enough to leave the house so it's time to vote someone off!*Everyone looks at each-other and stops what their doing and sits in a circle*  
*Draco writes Harry on his paper*  
*Harry writes Draco on his paper*  
*Ron writes Hermione on his paper*  
*Hermione writes Glossy on her paper*  
*Glossy writes Hermione on her paper*  
*Game Show Guy collects the papers*  
Game Show Guy: HERMIONE YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK!  
Hermione: What the, I thought this was survivor!? *Big tuff guys start dragging her out of the house*  
Game Show Guy: It IS!  
Draco: On Survivor you're on an Island, this is more like that show Big Brother  
Game Show Guy: Who cares!  
(Everyone can still hear Hermione's yelling getting quieter)  
*Draco sits back on the couch*  
Draco: Well, that's over with even though Harry should have been voted off  
Glossy: No he shouldn't have. I would have voted you but Hermione just punched me  
*Ron's enemy *THE SQUIRREL* is at the window*  
Ron: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!  
(Ron pauses)  
Ron: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!  
Glossy: Oh, for goodness sakes Ron! It's a little squirrel it couldn't hurt anyone   
*The squirrel breaks the glass with it's teeth and breaks in*  
Ron: Speak of the Devil Gloss  
*Everyone looks at each-other and is silent*  
All: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Harry: To the attic!  
Draco: Cellar!  
Harry: Attic!  
Draco: Cellar!  
Harry: Attic!  
Draco: Cellar!  
Harry: Attic!  
Draco: Cellar!  
Harry: Attic!  
Draco: Cellar!  
Harry: Attic!  
Glossy: Let's just go to the stupid attic!  
*Harry sticks his tongue out at Draco as the squirrel inches nearer*  
Ron: Uh...guys.....RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
*Everyone runs in little circles and starts screaming and then everyone bumps into each other*(everybody falls on their butts and then scrambles to their feet)*  
*Everyone runs to the attic except Draco who runs to the cellar *  
(Harry locks the attic)  
(Draco locks the cellar)  
*The Squirrel takes over the house (reminder Voldemort is dead)*  
:::3 days later:::  
Harry: I can't take it anymore! If I don't eat something I'll go crazy!  
*Ron is shaking in a corner*  
Glossy: I'm f-f-f-f-f-freezing!  
Ron: S-s-s-s-o-o c-c-cold  
Glossy: Your lips are turning blue!  
Harry: The cellar has the damn heater!  
Glossy: That bastard is probably getting drunk on cider!  
Harry: T-t-t-this has been the worst Christmas ever!  
Ron: I can s-s-s-till fly like a seagull, thought I'd tell ya all before I die  
*Harry slaps him*  
Harry: Not the seagull thing again! Snap out of it!  
Glossy: I think I'm getting f-f-frost bite!  
Ron: Listen Glossy, we all have problems  
Harry: Shuda up Ron  
Ron: Y-y-es captain  
Glossy: What the hell?  
*Harry rolls his eyes*  
Glossy: I can't take it anymore! It's every woman and man for themselves *breaks the window with a rod and jumps out*  
Harry: I don't care if I lose! *jumps out*  
Ron: Money? or my life? (long pause) Life! *jumps out*  
(Suprisingly nobody's hurt or dead because of the 6 inch snow)  
*Game show guy appears*  
Game Show Guy: You all lose!  
*Draco busts out the cellar window* (Drunk on cider)  
Draco: Ugh  
Game Show Guy: Congratulations Mr. Squirrel! You have won Survivor!  
*The Squirrel jumps in the Limo with the Game Show Guy and they speed off (Squirrel sticks his tongue out* (It was the last one in the house after all)  
Glossy: Just great....that fuzz ball won  
Draco: And after all that...*hic up*  
Harry: That sonofa bitch bastard!  
*Everyone looks at Harry for his bad lauguge*  
*Harry blushes*  
Harry: Sorry...  
Ron: So, what should we do now?  
Harry: I dunno...Glossy ya wanna be my girl?  
Glossy: Sure! You are my biggest crush!  
Harry: Okay, great! Let's go to Vegas!  
Glossy: Sounds cool!  
Draco: Hey *hic up* what about me?  
*All of the Draco's fan girls come out of no where and run after him*  
Draco: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! chic up* (Draco runs until you can't see him anymore his fan girls follow him* (he seems to have a lot of fans after all)  
Harry: What are you gonna do Ron?  
*Ron suddenly grows seagull wings and a seagull body *But his head remains the same*  
Ron: I'm going South for the winter! see you guys in the summer!  
*Ron flies off with a bunch off birds*  
Harry: I guess he could fly like a seagull...  
Glossy: Well, I'll be damn  
*Glossy and Harry watch him go*  
*A red convertible comes out of no where and mental secret agent music plays*  
(Harry and Glossy are suddenly in secret agent outfits with sunglasses)  
*Harry jumps in the car and Glossy afterwards*  
Harry: To Vegas? Glossy: Step on it   
(They drive off into the low orangey sun)  
:::::THE END:::::  
  
  
Okay, that was probably the stupidest thing I've ever wrote, but hey, I was bored. So tell me what you think of this *NO FLAMES!* Why did I make Harry and I drive off in a convertible in the freezing weather? The world may never know. Maybe I'll do more humor fics if anybody thought this was funny. 


	2. A Harry Potter Christmas 2

A Harry Potter Christmas 2  
By: Glossy  
  
Disclaimer: DUN DUN DUN! Chapter 2! I was thinking about making a sequel to the first chapter of this for awhile because I got a lot of good reviews *thanks to all of you!*The reason I'm writing this now is for one reason, I have major block for "Can I Go Too?", sorry everyone! I'll have chapter five done soon! Anyway, on to the real boring disclaimer, I DON'T own anything from Harry Potter *NONE!* they all belong to J.K. Rowling.  
  
*The announcer guy's voice that's on DragonBall Z: Last time on A Harry Potter Christmas Harry and Glossy had driven into the sunset in a convertible in the snow *cough cough* and we were all left wondering what could of happened to them...*  
  
Harry: *looking at a road map while driving* I'm, like, totally lost! *snowflakes falling onto his glasses so he can't see*  
Glossy: *wipes Harry's glasses* Watch the road! *grabs the wheel and turns it so they don't smash into a truck*  
Harry: Where is Vegas?  
Glossy: *grabs the map* You just watch the road...*points at a spot on the map* It's right here!  
Harry: Oh, okay. Hey how about we listen to some music?  
Glossy: Eee! Great! I'm an expert when it comes to good music *digs through her bag* I'll find something we can listen to...  
Harry: *sighs* I didn't mean one of your CD's hun, I know you're totally into music and all but...to be perfectly honest I don't *does the finger quote thing* really dig your music...  
Glossy: *holds up her hand* Yeah, yeah...AHA! here's what I was looking for!  
Harry: *Jumps*  
Glossy: *pops a golden CD into the CD player*  
*The song "Thriller" by Michael Jackson comes on*  
Glossy: *dancing*  
Harry: Ugh! No! Turn it off!   
Glossy: *stops dancing abruptly and puts one hand on her hip* Harry, this is my favorite CD, and Michael Jackson is my favorite music artist so we're gonna listen to it!  
Harry: Fine, but once we've listened to all the songs you like; this CD is out of the player, got it?  
Glossy: Yep  
*Three hours later*  
Glossy: *singing* Beat it, beat it, no one wants to be defeated  
Harry: *looks crazy* We've been listening to this for three hours!!!  
Glossy: So what? It's just so damn catchy *as "Beat it" ends Glossy turns on "The Way You Make Me Feel" for the 50th time*  
Harry: I am gonna hurl...  
Glossy: *rests her head on one hand and sighs*  
Harry: *eyes widen* Gloss, it's bad enough that you've revealed yourself to be a hopeless Michael Jackson fan, but really, did you have to sigh? Omigosh! You like him better than me!  
Glossy: Harry, it's been a year and my crush on you has started to fade, besides my crush on you was never really anything big to begin with, sorry to say, I mean your cute and all but you belong with Draco, Ron, Hermione, or Ginny ya know?   
Harry: WHAT? We've been driving for a year?!  
Glossy: I guess...but the point is I still love you as a friend okay?  
Harry: Yeah whatever, but we've been driving for a YEAR?  
Glossy: YEAH, I GUESS, but who really cares? We should be there soon.  
*A few hours later...*  
Glossy: YEAH!VIVA LAS VEGAS! WHOO! *starry eyed looking at all of the lights*  
Harry: Yes, it's all so very pretty at night but we need to find the MGM Grand Hotel  
Glossy: Oh, right  
Harry: Keep an eye out for it  
Glossy: Hey, isn't that Ron! *squints her eyes and points*  
Harry: Don't be ridiculous, he turned into a seagull last year  
Glossy: Yeah, but I swear that's him! And he's not a seagull!  
Harry: Uh huh  
Glossy: Just look! *grabs Harry's face and points him in the direction of Ron*  
Harry: *stops the car in the middle of the road* Hey, it is him! and he's selling socks on that street corner! and he looks terrible!  
Angry driver(s): Hey you ass! You could of killed us! What kind of idiot stops in the middle of the road!?  
*Harry and Glossy run up to Ron on the street corner*  
Glossy: Ron! I thought you were a seagull  
Ron: I am, I can transform, I'm like totally narley  
Harry: If your like "totally narley" then why are you selling socks?  
Ron: Well, it's a long story...you see, when I had turned into a seagull for the first time and headed south everything was great but then when I came back to the game show house to look for you guys you were all gone, so, I ended up becoming a bum because I had no friends to "mooch" off of and the seagulls were real cheapo's too so, here I am selling socks! *smiles*  
Harry: Y..e..a..h, great story Ron  
Ron: You guys, I'm a...kinda lonely...  
TV audience: Aaww  
Ron: And was wondering if I could maybe, travel around with you two, seeing as you are my friends...  
Glossy: Of course you can! *hugs Ron* We missed you- *wrinkles her nose at Ron's odor*  
Harry: Alright Ron, you can come with us  
Ron: YAY!!! *jumping around as socks land on people's heads and they give him evil glares*  
Glossy: *whispers to Harry* He needs to take a shower...  
*the three go back into the car in search of the hotel*  
Harry: Did anyone ever wonder what happened to Hermione?  
Ron and Glossy: Nope  
Harry: Oh, okay...just asking  
Ron: Hey! there's the hotel!  
*they pull into the parking garage*  
Harry: *holding all the luggage*  
Glossy: *mesmerized by the pretty hotel*  
Ron: It's so pretty! *_*  
Harry: Help *being crushed by luggage*  
Glossy: Well, I'll go get the key for our room *walks up to the counter as Harry and Ron wait in the lobby*  
*A very beautiful but odd looking girl walks up to Harry and Ron whom is dressed like a Vegas show girl*  
Ron: Um, hi...can we help you? *eye's the girl's short blonde hair and grey eyes*  
Girl: *in a high unusual voice* Harry, honey, don't you recognize mwah?  
Harry: No, who the hell are you?  
Girl: *voice turns deep and sounds like a boy's* It's Draco Malfoy sweetie! The one and only who has been secretly crushing on you for years and is finally revealing that he is a cross dresser in his spare time and a bi-sexual!   
Harry: *looks as if about to pass out*  
Ron: Ew...sick...Malfoy, you're as bad as that squirrel that has been haunting me in my dreams ever since it won Survivor!  
Draco and Harry:*Draco sits down* Nightmares?  
Ron: Yeah, I have nightmares about it being rich with it's prize money all shoving it in my face because I'm poor, and then it murders me! *starts to bawl hysterically*  
Draco: Tisk tisk *leans on Harry*  
Harry: Get off of me Draco!  
*Glossy comes back*  
Glossy: Hey Harry, who's your new broad?  
Ron: *laughs through his crying*  
Harry: *blushes* He is not my broad!  
Glossy: He?  
Draco: Glossy! My ex love! How are things?  
Glossy: *eyes Draco up and down* Just fine, things...uh...going well for you?  
Draco: Absolutely!  
Glossy: I didn't know you could be so glamorous...  
Draco: Nor did I *giggles*  
Glossy: Well, it was very nice talking to you again Draco, but we should be getting to our room  
Draco: Oh! Could I be roomies with yall?  
Glossy: Um...*looks at Harry*  
Ron: Sure! You can share a bed with Harry  
Harry: *eyes widen and looks as if about to kill Ron*  
Draco: Great ^^  
*The four head to the elevator*  
*All inside the elevator*  
Ron: What button do I push? Huh huh huh?  
Glossy: Seven  
Ron: Okay *pushes the emergency stop button*  
*the elevator comes to a complete stop*  
Draco: Aaaaahhhh!!! Were all gonna die!  
Harry: *slaps Ron in the face* Ron, you idiot!  
Ron: *cries* I'm sorry! I didn't know!  
*Everyone is silently unaware that the (plays dramatic music) squirrel is watching them through a camera*  
Glossy: Well, we might as well get comfortable, it's going to be a long night  
*17 hours later the group is still in the elevator*  
Harry: *eye's half open* It's five in the afternoon the next day and we got here at midnight yesterday!  
Ron: I feel ya homie *playing "Exploding Snap" with Draco*  
Glossy: Wait, damn we're stupid! Let's just use the emergency call button!  
Ron: Uh, I ate that button...  
Harry: RON!!!  
Ron: I'm sorry! I was hungry!  
Draco: You guys think you have it bad? My undergarments are giving me a rash!  
Glossy: *falling asleep while listening to her Michael Jackson CD on her headphones*  
Harry: I'm starving *smashes himself up against the wall* I'm to young to die of starvation in an elevator!  
Draco: *sniffs* You were too beautiful for this world Harry dear  
Ron: Shudda up Draco  
*the elevator starts to move*  
Glossy: What?  
Ron: We're MOVING! YAY! YIP-EE!  
*the door opens*  
Ron: *kissing the hotel carpet* I'll never got in another elevator again!  
Harry: *whispers to Glossy and Draco* Yeah, and if he hadn't of gone with us in the first place that would of never happened  
Glossy: Let's just go to bed...  
Draco: *looks at his diamond watch* It's 5:15 p.m.  
Glossy: I'm aware of the time...  
*As they walk down the hallway and Glossy opens the door they see Hermione in their room!*  
All: HERMIONE?!  
Hermione: .......!  
Glossy: What the hell are you doing here?  
Hermione: What the hell am I doing here? The question is, what the hell are you doing here? I was assigned to this room! I though I could have a nice relaxing vacation and then all of you show up!  
Ron: Well sorry for being born  
Glossy: Those retards down at the front desk must have given us the same room by mistake  
Harry: Well, we're just going to have to make it work because I don't feel like getting a new room *sinks into an arm chair*  
Hermione: Really, you're that lazy?  
Draco: We were stuck in an elevator for 17 hours and 15 minutes F.Y.I.!  
Hermione: Draco!  
Draco: Hermione!  
Hermione and Draco: YOU LOOK HORRIBLE!  
Glossy: You two just notice each other or what?  
Ron: Hey, it's a reunion only we're all a lot more messed up!  
Draco: I'm not messed up!  
Glossy: Yeah! Neither am I!  
Ron: Look at it this way, Hermione probably had a nervous breakdown because she wanted to take a vacation by herself...  
Hermione: How did you know I had a nervous-I mean, NO I DIDN'T!  
Ron: And Draco has turned into a cross dressing bi-sexual...  
Draco: Hey! I'm proud of it!  
Harry: What happened to all of your fan girls?  
Draco: They're my backup dancers   
All:......  
Ron: Harry seems to be very stressed and on the verge of a nervous breakdown...  
Harry: *laughs nervously and the chokes on the sugar pack he was eating for energy*  
Ron: Glossy's a Michael Jackson obssesie...  
Glossy: HEY! DON'T SAY I'M MESSED UP BECAUSE OF THAT!  
Harry: You're all lucky, I had to listen to that CD for five hours in the car...  
Glossy: It was three  
Hermione: And what about you Ron? Are you just perfect in every way?  
Ron: Nope! I'm messed up too! I'm an ex bum!  
Glossy: Alright already! Were all messed up, okay? Now, we need to figure out room arrangements  
Harry: Okay...how about-  
Glossy: NO! I'm doing this! Alright, Harry and Draco share the bed on the left, I get the bed on the right, Ron gets the fold out, and Hermione gets the chair  
Ron: Sounds good  
Hermione: No, it does not sound good! I refuse to go through with this plan!  
*A minute later*  
Hermione: *sets up her stuff by the arm chair* I can't believe I'm going through with this plan  
Harry: Draco, just make sure to stay on your side of the bed, allright?  
Draco: But I want to cuddle with ya baby *makes pleading eyes*  
Harry: *shudders*  
Hermione: It's not fair Glossy and Ron get their own beds  
Draco: Oh sure it is you ugly fat bitch  
Hermione: .......! I'm not fat! You fatty!  
***DragonBall Z announcer guy: As we can see, it's going to be a long afternoon/night. Elsewhere....***  
Game Show Guy: The ratings have been going down on all my game shows!  
Random Person 1: The highest ratings we had was when those five teenagers were playing Big Brother-I mean, er, Survivor last year  
Game Show Guy: Then we must get those kids back! CONTACT THEM!  
Random Person 2: Boss, we don't know where they are and it would be most difficult to find them-  
Game Show Guy: SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE AND DO IT!!!  
Random Person 3: Yes, boss  
Game Show Guy: Now, I've been thinking...how about we have them play "Dismissed"? That ought to get us some higher ratings...  
Random Person 4: Yes, I agree boss. *thinking: not really*  
*All of a sudden there's a noise*  
Game Show Guy: What the hell was that noise?  
*someone turns around in an arm chair and it happens to be *DUN DUN DUN* THE-!*   
~TO BE CONTINUED~  
  
A/N: Hope you liked this chapter! And again I am truly, truly, sorry for taking such a LONG time to write anything. R/R! ^_^ 


	3. A Harry Potter Christmas 3

A Harry Potter Christmas  
  
Ch.3  
  
By: Glossy  
  
Disclaimer: See previous disclaimers. Oh, and just a note, I DO NOT hate Hermione (everyone just acts like they dislike her in this fic) Hermione is actually my favorite character in HP ^^;; She's awesome.  
  
**DragonBall Z announcer guy: Last time on a Harry Potter Christmas, our friends Harry, Glossy, Ron, Hermione, and cross dressing Draco were reunited in Las Vegas. The evil Game Show Guy has some plans in store for our group and I'm not sure what they are, but it's probably good... What Larry?! oops, bad, I mean bad. Well, let's find out...**  
  
*In the hotel room in Las Vegas*  
  
Ron: Should the story really be called a Harry Potter Christmas anymore? I mean it isn't Christmas anymore!  
  
Glossy: Shut yo' mouth  
  
Ron: Sorry  
  
Harry: *watching Jerry Springer* Who would go on this stupid show? It's so messed up it's gotta be fake.  
  
Ron: Hey! We could go on that show!  
  
All: NO RON!  
  
Ron: Just an idea...  
  
Draco: Hey gang! *looks like his normal self as he comes out of the bathroom*  
  
Hermione: What happened to you?  
  
Draco: I only dress like that once in a while ya know.  
  
All: R...e...a...l...l...y  
  
Glossy: Hey, you guys! Why don't we go down to the pool, rather than stay cramped up in this room all day?  
  
Harry: I don't know if I could deal with all of you in public.  
  
Draco: No, that's a great idea! I'm going to go change.  
  
*Ron and Glossy gather their stuff to get changed and wait by the bathroom door for Draco to get out*  
  
Hermione: I'm not sure about this...this could be more than I can handle also, because I just had a nervous-I mean, it might get really crazy.  
  
Harry: You're concerned about you!? WHAT ABOUT ME SISTER? YOU!? HA! I've had to deal with Glossy all the way over here, she broke up with me, I had to listen to her music the whole way, it was freezing, we meet up with Ron and things get more hectic, I carry all the luggage, and my back hurts like hell, Draco ends up being at the hotel and being a part time cross dresser who's in love with me!, then we get stuck in the stupid elevator because Ron ate the call button, so we were trapped, we were stuck in there for hours on end and when we finally get out you're in our room and I have to share a bed with DRACO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hermione O.O!  
  
Glossy: *Whispers to Ron* It's amazing how he said that and screamed all in one breath.  
  
Ron: *Whispers to Glossy* Yeah. I told you he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  
  
Harry: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! I HATE ALL OF YOU! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!!!!! I JUST WANT OUT OF HERE!!!!! GGGGGRRRAAAHHH!!!! AND IF I HAVE TO BREAK OUT A WINDOW TO GET OUT OF HERE, THEN, BY ALL MEANS I'LL JUST DO THAT!*backs up and starts running*  
  
Hermione, Ron, Glossy: Harry, NO! *try to grab him end up falling on the floor*  
  
Harry: HA HAH! SO LONG SUCKERS! *Busts through the window with his shape remaining in the glass*  
  
All three: Harry! *Goes by the window and looks out*  
  
Harry: *Stuck in a tree passed out from screaming*  
  
Glossy: Well, we tried to warn him.  
  
Hermione: He needs help.  
  
Ron: Like you did?  
  
Hermione: No, not like I did!  
  
Draco: *Comes out of the bathroom in bathing suit* Well, I'm ready to have a sun shine day-! What happened here? *looks at broken glass* Where's Harry dear?  
  
Glossy: *Walks slowly over to Draco* What I do now, I do as your dearest friend...*leads him by the window*  
  
Draco: *Looks down* MY BABY! HE'S DEAD!  
  
Hermione: No he isn't ass! He's just crazy!  
  
Ron: He just got a little excited!  
  
Glossy: He had a nervous breakdown!  
  
Draco: Wait, now, I'm confused...which one of you is telling me the truth?  
  
All besides Draco: I am!  
  
Draco: Alright, guess we'll need to have a trial.  
  
Glossy: How can we have a trial!? He's not dead or anything!  
  
Ron: Hey... maybe, if Harry is hurt though, we could sue the hotel!  
  
Hermione: But he brought it upon himself! It had nothing to do with-  
  
Glossy: Shut up Hermione! Yeah, yeah, I see where this is going...I see what Ron means. We could just lie.  
  
Hermione: No! That's an ignorant idea.  
  
Draco: As long as Harry really is alright we could just lie, what's the harm? I could get more rich than I already am.  
  
Glossy: That's the spirit Draco! Yes, great plan. But what could we really say...  
  
*The group besides Hermione thinks for ten minutes*  
  
Ron: I got it! He "slipped on a sugar packet" *does the finger quote thing*  
  
Glossy and Draco: That's perfect! I never would have thought of that!  
  
Hermione: Oh, please...like anybody would believe that lame story.  
  
Glossy: Yeah, it's a long shot but I'm sure somebody will be stupid enough to believe it.  
  
Draco: Are we still going to go to the pool? Don't tell me I got all ready for nothing.  
  
Ron: Yeah, I suppose, let's get ready people.  
  
*In a half hour everyone is ready and the gang is at the pool*  
  
Glossy: *Laying on a sun chair* Ah, nothing like laying on a sun chair on a nice sunny day!  
  
Hermione: *On another sun chair reading* Isn't that why they call it a sun chair stupid?  
  
Glossy: Hey shut up! I'm above average intelligence in everything except math which I always get C's in, so don't call me stupid.  
  
Hermione: Hmph.  
  
Glossy: I'm so much prettier than you bitch.  
  
Hermione: In your dreams!  
  
Glossy: No, it's reality, in your face!  
  
Hermione: Did that make sense?  
  
Glossy: YES!  
  
Draco: *Swimming backwards in the pool* Actually Hermione, Glossy is prettier than you. She looks really hot in that bikini.  
  
Glossy: *Anime sweat drops* Eh, heh, heh, thank you. *Covers herself with a towel*  
  
Draco: You'll have to remove that towel eventually, it's hot out.  
  
Glossy: I'll get rid of this towel if you promise never to cross dress again, you're sexy as you are.  
  
Draco: Hey, thanks! Well...let me think....  
  
Glossy: ?  
  
Draco:..............................................  
  
Glossy: ?  
  
Draco: .......................................................................................................  
  
Glossy: WELL!?  
  
Draco: Okay, I'll never do it again. Now take it off.  
  
Glossy: *Throws off towel and is now just in her bikini as she was before*  
  
Hermione: She's just in her bikini Draco, she's not wearing anything less.  
  
Draco: Exactly.  
  
Hermione: *Rolls eyes*  
  
Ron: Actually, I think Hermione is prettier than Glossy.  
  
Hermione: Aw, thank you Ron. SEE GLOSSY!?  
  
Glossy: OH, IT IS ON! When Harry gets back here he'll be the tie breaker!  
  
Ron: What if he picks none? Hermione: THAT IS NOT AN OPTION!  
  
Draco: *Grabs a beach ball out of no where* Hey, Ron, wanna play volleyball?  
  
Ron: Oh, sure! Yippie skippiesies!  
  
*Draco and Ron play a really pathetic game of volleyball, and neither of them can keep the ball going*  
  
Draco: Okay, here it comes again! HUH! *hits the ball a little too hard and it flies out of the pool*  
  
Ron: Uh oh...  
  
*The ball is heading towards a kid with ice cream*  
  
Ron and Draco: HEY KID!!! MOVE!  
  
Kid: Huh? *turns around and the ball misses him*  
  
Ron and Draco: Phew!  
  
Ron: Hey kid, can you hand us our ball back? It landed by that sun chair...  
  
Kid: *Walks over and grabs ball* No, I want to keep it!  
  
Draco: We found it first, so give it back!  
  
Kid: *Sees his mom walking over to him and drops his ice cream on purpose*WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Mom: Oh honey, it's okay! I'll buy you another ice cream.  
  
Kid: Those guys in the pool were being mean to me mommy, they threw this ball at me and that's why I dropped my ice cream. Then I asked if I could keep it, and they said no! I deserve to keep it because they threw it at me! WWWAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Draco: *Gets out of the pool* Hey lady, your kid totally twisted the story around.  
  
Ron: *Gets out as well* Yeah.  
  
Mom: Like, I'd believe you punks! You apologize to my kid right now! Let him keep the ball and for being so careless and reckless, you should buy him a new ice cream! HOW DARE YOU MAKE MY SON CRY!  
  
Ron: Lady, just listen to what really happened...  
  
Mom: NO! You punks have no respect for authority or your elders!  
  
*Over by the sun chairs*  
  
Glossy: Hey, Hermione *nudges her*  
  
Hermione: What?  
  
Glossy: Draco and Ron are getting scolded by some hag, maybe we should check it out.  
  
Hermione: Yeah, I guess we should.  
  
*The girls walk over*  
  
Hermione: What's going on, Draco, Ron?  
  
Mom: Oh, and who is this!? You're hoochies?!  
  
Glossy and Hermione: ..........!!!!!!  
  
Hermione: You wait a minute miss, we are not hoochies.  
  
Glossy: Yeah, why don't you just calm down and tell us what's going on?  
  
Draco and Ron: *Tell their side of the story*  
  
Hermione: You didn't have to tell us that, we saw that happen.  
  
Glossy: Miss, I'm sorry to say, but your kid's a liar.  
  
Mom: There you all go again! No RESPECT! My kid WOULD NOT LIE!!!!  
  
Ron: There you go again YOU OLD HAG! JUDGING US JUST BECAUSE WE'RE TEENAGERS!  
  
Mom: Come on Johnny! Let's go, I don't want to be insulted by hooligans! Grabs her kid and walks off*  
  
Draco: What a psycho!  
  
Glossy: Tell me about it! We saw the whole thing.  
  
Hermione: I know, what a bratty kid.  
  
Ron: I don't know about you guys, but that witch ruined the fun, how about we go get clean so we can go out later tonight.  
  
All: Yeah, good plan.  
  
*They all walk back in the hotel*  
  
***DragonBall Z announcer guy: Last time with the game show freaks, they were plotting on making our favorite posse playing a new game, but we were all left in suspense wondering who the hell was in that arm chair! Let's find out!***  
  
*Somebody turns around in the arm chair and it's DUN DUN DUN! THE SQUIRREL!!!  
  
Game Show Guy: Well, if it isn't the Squirrel! How's our last times winner?  
  
Random Guy 1: That thing nearly gave me a heart attack, it-  
  
Game Show Guy: Put a cork in it Casey! Now, *ahem* Mr. Squirrel we've been planing on making a total un-original dating game show and well, I was wondering if you'd like to be in it...  
  
Random Guy 1 (who has now revealed to be "Casey"): Sir, last time you did this it turned out to be a total disaster!  
  
Game Show Guy: Sssshh!!! So, how about it?  
  
Squirrel: *Gives a look like "What's in it for me?"*  
  
Game Show Guy: Well, that one kid with the red hair will be there, that's terrified of you; should be fun going on a date with him right?  
  
Squirrel: *Nods and gives him an "I'm in" look while shaking his hand*  
  
Game Show Guy: This is perfect! Let's go find those kids!  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
Some random person: Hey, you in the tree! Are you alive!?  
  
Harry: *His eyes finally open* Wha?  
  
*A large crowd has now formed around the tree, but everybody was too stupid to call professional help*  
  
Harry: Uh, my head...I've gotta get out of the tree...CAN SOMEBODY GET ME DOWN?  
  
*Everybody in the crowd looks at each other and shrugs*  
  
Harry: WELL!?  
  
Random person 2: Are you alright?  
  
Harry: Yeah, I think so...  
  
*The crowd walks away*  
  
Harry: HEY! How am I supposed to get down!? Where are you all going?! THIS IS JUST GREAT!!!!!!! Must release anger by screaming, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *there's a cracking sound* What? *looks down and the branch is broken* Help...*starts falling* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!  
  
*Ends up bouncing off a lamp post and landing safely in a building threw an open window*  
  
Harry: That was a close one...hey, where am I?  
  
*A female brunette with glasses looks up at him named Dr. Smith*  
  
Dr. Smith: I'm a psychiatrist.  
  
Harry: Really? How convenient, I need some help, I'm over stressed.  
  
Dr. Smith: Lay down on this couch and we can get started.  
  
Harry: *Lies on the couch*  
  
Dr. Smith: *Sits down with a clipboard* Okay, what's on your mind first of all and what's your name?  
  
Harry: Harry Potter. Well, my friends can really get annoying, it usually wouldn't bother me but it's gotten to a certain extent. They can get a little too crazy.  
  
Dr. Smith: I see, go on.  
  
Harry: And my one friend, who used to be my girlfriend dumped me.  
  
Dr. Smith: I see, dumping can be tough on a person.  
  
*This goes on for hours and Dr. Smith just keeps saying "I see" after five hours*  
  
Harry: DOCTOR! All you keep saying is "I SEE!"  
  
Dr. Smith: Well, Harry the answer to your problems are simple, you just need a break from your friends and to relax,   
  
then you shouldn't get so stressed. Don't you feel better that you just talked about it? *really annoyed because he's taking so long*  
  
Harry: Hey, you're right! I do feel better! Thanks! I don't think I'll need to be relaxing, I feel great! Thanks for listening! *Walks towards the door*  
  
Dr. Smith: Sir, where's my money?  
  
Harry: I'm not paying you for listening to me, sorry doctor. *Walks out the door*  
  
Dr. Smith:...............!!!!!!!  
  
*Harry walks back to the hotel and opens the hotel door*  
  
Harry: *Cheerful* Hey guys! Sorry I got over stressed. I'm fine now, I went to a psychiatrist. Where we heading tonight?  
  
Glossy: *Finishing her make-up* We're just going out to eat and going shopping.  
  
Harry: Sounds good. I'm gonna clean up *goes in the bathroom*  
  
Ron: Crap! We're out of ice! Hermione, go get some!  
  
Hermione: ME? Why can't you get it yourself, huh?  
  
Ron: I'm too...important.  
  
Hermione: Whatever, Ron. *Goes out to get more ice* Now which way was it again? *goes the wrong way and gets lost for hours*  
  
*Everyone is waiting for Hermione in the room*  
  
Glossy: I say we just go without her...I'm sick of waiting.  
  
Draco: Yeah me too, I'm starved yo!  
  
Ron: Yeah, let's just go.  
  
*The four of them go out to the restaurant and get seated*  
  
Glossy: It's great we got seated right away.  
  
Harry, Ron, and Draco: Yeah.  
  
**Little do they know the Game Show Guy, the Squirrel, and Casey are hiding behind their menus at a table next to them***  
  
Game Show Guy: Okay, we pop out in exactly three seconds!  
  
Casey: One...two...three!  
  
*They all pop up!*  
  
Glossy, Ron, Harry, and Draco: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Everyone in the restaurant shrugs and starts screaming also while waving their arms around*  
  
Squirrel: *Glares*  
  
*Everyone goes silent*  
  
Squirrel: *Nods*  
  
Harry: I thought we got rid of you forever!  
  
Game Show Guy: NOT QUITE! Listen, my ratings have been terribly low and I need you guys, featuring the Squirrel to be in another game show!  
  
Ron: Why do you need us?  
  
Casey: Well, that's when our ratings were-  
  
Game Show Guy: BEST! And put a sock in it Casey, who told you to talk.  
  
Glossy: Who the hell is Casey?  
  
Game Show Guy: My personal assistant. So how about it?  
  
Draco: Well...I suppose, we don't really have anything better to do...right guys?  
  
Glossy: Well, I guess...  
  
Ron: How do we play?  
  
Game Show Guy: Well, we pair you up at random and then you each go on your own dates. If you end up liking the person you don't ditch them at random in the date, but if you hate the person you can ditch them after thirty minutes into the date, because you have to be with them for a little while. IF, you get ditched you have to search for that person and beg for them to go on a second date. If you both ditch each other you have to go on ten dates.  
  
Harry: And how is that fair?  
  
Squirrel: *Glares at Harry*  
  
Harry: I'm sorry! I shouldn't have asked!  
  
Ron: *Whispers* See, it is creepy isn't it! I hate that animal! It's creepy! Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?   
  
Harry: *Yells* YES!!!  
  
Squirrel: *Glares at Harry*  
  
Harry: I'M SORRY!!!  
  
Squirrel: *Knocks Harry's drink over*  
  
Harry: *Cries*  
  
Game Show Guy: Good! So it's agreed! Hey where's that bushy haired girl? It's un-even without her...and then we won't be able to play.  
  
Ron: She got lost while getting more ice in the hotel.  
  
Casey: So what are we going to do sir?  
  
Glossy: *Thinks* Hmmmm....I got it! I know who we can get on the show to take her place while she's gone! THE AMAZING REDHEADED WONDER!  
  
All: WHAT?!  
  
Glossy: Also known as, the one and only Sidra McKellin! One of my good friends.  
  
Game Show Guy: That'll be great! Okay, we start the game show tomorrow!   
  
Glossy: Alright!  
  
Harry: Glossy, who is this Sidra?  
  
Glossy: Oh, you'll find out soon enough....  
  
***DragonBall Z announcer guy: Well, well, The Game Show guy has scheduled a new game show with our group. Will Hermione ever find her way to the ice machine? And with Sidra McKellin taking the place of Hermione, what is to happen? Find out next time on "A Harry Potter Christmas"!***  
  
A/N: Please Review! ^^;; 


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